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    Posted: 17/November/2005 at 18:46

this is a place to put funny jokes (so dont expect webby to reply in here) . dont be racist and try not to offend anyone on the board and it will be fine.

Quote george best is lying in hospital when the nurse approaches him "george" she said "ive got some good news and some bad news"

"give me the bad news first" replied george

"ok" "you have one hour to live"

"omg" gasped george

"what can be the fucking good news then"

"its happy hour downstairs" the nurse said

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ajaysharma316 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18/November/2005 at 06:47

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The Good, The Bad & the Ugly...


The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.
Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: It’s triplets
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago

Good: Your son is finally maturing
Bad: He’s involved with the woman next door
Ugly: So are you

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: You’re in them

Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids
Bad: You can’t find your birth control pills
Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them

Good: The postman’s early
Bad: He’s wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas

Good: Your son is dating someone new
Bad: It’s another man
Ugly: He’s your best friend

Good: Your daughter got a new job
Bad: She’s a hooker
Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients
Way Ugly: She makes more money than you do

Good: Your husband is not talking to you.
Bad: He wants a divorce.
Ugly: He’s a lawyer.

Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He’s a cross-dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than you.

Good: You give “the birds and the bees” talk to your 14-year-old daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Ugly: With corrections


[IMG]http://img482.imageshack.us/img482/1176/ripeddie4jq.jpg">

http://bikerbanjara.blogspot.com/
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Crash Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18/November/2005 at 14:14
There was this English Man,
Scotch Man and an Irish Man going for a job
interview.

They all had there induction exams, and where all
called back one at a time.

The English man walks in first, and the interviewer
says: "Well, you past your exam with flying colours!
But theres one thing I like about a man and thats
honesty, so can you notice anything odd about me?"

The English man looks and nods: "Yes, you've got
one ear on the top of your head, and one at the side
of you head!"

The interviewer was very pleased with the English
mans honesty, and sent for the Scott. The interviewer
goes through the same routine again and comes to
the final question, and the Scott replies: "well, you've
got one ear on top of your head and another at the
side of you head!"

The interviewer again very pleased with the Sotts
honesty sent for the Irish man. The interviewer
precedes with the same rigmarole, and comes to
the final question "Can you notice anything odd
about me?"

The Irish man takes a long look at the interviewer
opposite, "Yes I can Sir!" the Irish man answered
"You were contact lenses!"

The interviewer amazed at his answer, "How do you
know that?"

He asked, and the Irish man replied "Well you
couldn't get a pair of glasses on them
ears!"




There was a scotish man, a english
man and a irish man, one day at work they were
having there lunch the scottish man had pickle
sandwichs and said if i get the same sandwich
tomorrow he'd kill himself and the english man got
ham sandwich and said he'd kill himself if he had
ham sandwich tomorrow and and the irish man got
cheese sandwich and said the same as the scottish
and english man.
the next day they all the same sandwich so they kill
thereself at the funeral the scottish mans wife said
only if he told me he didnt like pickle,the english
mans wife said only if he told me he didnt like ham
and the irish man wife said he made his own
sandwichs


Pat goes into the bar on a
crutch,his arm in a sling and bandages all over his
head.

The bartender says: "My God Pat,what the hell
happened to you?"

Pat says: "I got in a brouhaha with Riley."

The bartender says: "But Riley's just a wee man and
you're full grown. He must of had something in his
hand."

Pat says: "That he did, a shovel."

The bartender says: "My God man, didn't you have
anything in your hand?"

Pat says: "That I did. The breast of Mrs. Riley.
Beautiful thing it was but not much use in a
fight."


One day an Englishman, a
Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub
together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just
as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage,
three flies landed in each of their pints, and were
stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his
beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly
out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if
nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the
fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and
started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU
BASTARD!!!!"


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dani Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18/November/2005 at 18:19
One day a guy walked into a pet store to buy a parrot.

He found one that he liked and went up to the counter to buy it. The store clerk saw which parrot he had picked out and said, ''That parrot repeats everything he hears.''

''That's alright,'' the man replied.

So the man bought the parrot and left the store.

As he was walking down the street, he saw a cop chasing a robber.

The cop hollered to his partner, ''Shoot him down, shoot him down!''

Then the parrot said, ''Shoot him down, shoot him down!''

They kept walking and found a man who was trying to pry his car off the ground with a crowbar because his wheels had been stolen.

The man said, ''Pop it up, pop it up!''

The parrot said, ''Pop it up, pop it up!''

They kept on walking to a carnival. A guy at a gamestand yelled, ''Hit a big one, win a prize!''

The parrot said, ''Hit a big one, win a prize!''

Then they walked into a church and sat down.

The minister was in the middle of the sermon.

He said, ''The Lord is above us.''

The parrot said, ''Shoot him down,shoot him down!''

The minister said, ''The devil is below us.''

The parrot said, ''Pop it up, pop it up.''

Then the minister got angry and threw a bible at the parrot. The parrot ducked and the bible hit a fat lady behind him.

The parrot said,'' Hit a big one, win a prize!''
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote WebmasterFF Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19/November/2005 at 03:22
Originally posted by Admin Admin wrote:

this is a place to put funny jokes (so dont expect webby to reply in here) . dont be racist and try not to offend anyone on the board and it will be fine.

Quote george best is lying in hospital when the nurse approaches him "george" she said "ive got some good news and some bad news"

"give me the bad news first" replied george

"ok" "you have one hour to live"

"omg" gasped george

"what can be the fucking good news then"

"its happy hour downstairs" the nurse said

 

The doctors told george best that he needs a new liver. Best replied "Oh....better make it a double then"

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote admin Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20/July/2006 at 21:11
10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SM Punk Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15/December/2006 at 18:43
credit: mitch hedberg
 
I had a parrot, the parrot could talk but he could not say 'Im Hungry' so he died.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Chasing Lamely Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15/December/2006 at 18:48
This'll probably offend one or two, but not many, I hope.
 
 
Q: What's black and white and red all over?
 
A: Michael JAckson when the boys' parents find out.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SM Punk Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15/December/2006 at 19:03
dammit, I was guna say a newspaper. lol
 
Im watching south park and Jimmy just told a great joke
Q:Why did the pigeon cross the street
A: Because he was having sex with the chicken
 
thank you, your a great audience very much
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Raven Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06/January/2007 at 07:01
No.

Edited by Raven - 24/June/2013 at 04:59
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