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Assuming The Spoilers for Raw

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    Posted: 05/September/2015 at 15:24
Welcome to my new column, where I will make assumptions about hat will happen on the next episode of WWE Monday Night Raw based on current events and storyline direction.


Monday Night Raw opens up with the COO Triple H coming to the ring, along with WWE and US Champ Seth Rollins. Triple H grabs a mic and welcomes us to the show. He says Seth Rollins has a lot on his plate for Night of Champions, and he has his doubts. Triple H says he has no doubt that HE could beat both Cena and Sting in the same night, but obviously, Seth Rollins is no Game. Triple H reminds us that Seth Rollins is less than half the man that he is, which makes him only worth 1.5 Hs. He says Seth Rollins has a small penis. He makes Seth drop his pants to prove this. John Cena interrupts. Cena says Seth Rollins doesn't have a penis at all. Cena says that Rollins is nothing until he beats him. Rollins reminds Cena that he HAS beat him, but Triple H and Cena yell at him to shut up. Cena says himself and Triple H are in the Big Penis Club. Triple H announces that Cena will take on Cesaro later tonight. Cena leaves, having accomplished nothing. Triple H tells Rollins that he will be facing Dean Ambrose tonight for the 6 millionth time. This promo has been happening for 45 minutes.

Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins
Dean Ambrose hits whatever his finisher is called and is about to pin the WWE Champion clean, before The Wyatts come out and beat him up. Reigns comes out through the crowd and he gets beaten down, too.


We come back from commercial to see Stephanie McMahon backstage. She says she is so proud of the divas revolution. She says Triple H is the greatest wrestler of all time and that he has a gigantic penis.

R Truth vs. Wade Barrett
Total squash. R Truth just destroys Barrett here.

Becky Lynch is backstage. She is asked why these new divas from NXT have decided to join two separate teams with main roster divas. She says women aren't allowed to have reasons in the WWE. Then she says some stupid shit because i guess that's her character now.

The New Day vs. The Prime Time Players
New day is awesome, and they win a nice match. Afterwards, Bully Ray and some african american gentleman jump them and put them through a table. Booty.


Lana is backstage. She talks about how happy she is to be free from bossing Rusev around. She says she is a strong independent woman who would rather be Dolph Ziggler's bitch.

Rusev vs. Jack Swagger

Sting comes out. He confirms the large nature of Triple H's dong. He says one day, he wants to take on Triple H again, but he's not good enough to do that. He says he has to settle for Rollins, who sucks. Lex Luger comes out. He shakes Sting's hand. As Sting walks away, Luger attacks him! That dastardly Luger!


John Cena comes out before his match. He says he wants to get ready for anything at NOC. he changes his match with Cesaro to a 3-on-1 match.

John Cena vs. Cesaro, Kevin Owens, & Bray Wyatt
Cena stacks all three men on top of each other in the middle of the ring and pins them, but it was a competitive match and he TOTALLY put those guys over in defeat. They should be fine.


Ryback and Big Show are shown fighting backstage. The Miz gets between them and breaks it up. They both beat the shit out of The Miz. They are shown walking into the sunset, now friends. Ryback says to Big Show, "You know, you really ARE big" to which Big Show replies "Aw shucks do ya mean it?"

Finally, the divas will main event Raw once again!

Divas Championship Match:
Nikki Bella (c) vs. Charlotte
Nikki Bella wins in 14 seconds with a roll-up.

Michael Cole calls the previous match the greatest Divas match of all time, as Raw fades to black.
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